I wasn’t in the room when Dad passed. He had been sick for quite a number of years diagnosed with both Parkinson’s disease and dementia. During the proceeding months, Dad had grown weaker and was unable to eat. At the very end of his journey, my amazing Mom was finally unable to care for him on her own. His last 15 days on earth were spent at a beautiful hospice home here in Tulsa known as Clarehouse. The staff at Clarehouse loved on Dad and provided such beautiful care for Him as well as for our family while we were grieving his passing.
I was mowing the grass when Dad died. I got to Clarehouse as fast as I could and entered the room to hear my Mom crying like I have never heard her cry. I looked at her clutching my Dad’s hand. My Dad’s body was lying in the bed but I knew that Dad was no longer there. The realization that my Dad was alive just moments before and now was alive to a different reality was so real to me it was palpable. The physical and the spiritual worlds seemed to collide and the separation between the two seemed indistinguishable. I have heard these referred to as thin places, places where the separation from God, his glory and presence seem small. I knew Dad was alive, just not with us any longer. And how could he be far since he was just breathing the same oxygen I was now?
I had grieved the loss of my Dad for years and recently had been anticipating his release from earth. In these first moments after his passing, I felt more peace than I had felt in quite some time. The reality of eternity and its nearness brought great comfort. I knew that Dad was alive. I was aware that this life is not all there is and that in reality, it is just a vapor and wind; a few passing days preparing us for eternity.
I was 42 years old at the time of Dad’s passing, both in the middle of my career and my parenting years. All of the stresses and striving of life towards success and accomplishment seemed inconsequential. This was true for my work and financial life, as well as my home and spiritual life. It wasn’t that success and accomplishment were not important. However, the striving and straining to be all that I could be and the pressure that comes with doing my best takes its toll.
But in these moments, I felt peace, deep peace. Peace that all is okay. Peace that all things will work together for good. Peace that I will not mess this up. A peace and understanding that all that God has for me will come to pass and I will not miss it. A peace that His plans are not just for the small amount of time that we spend on this earth, but will last throughout eternity. A peace that life’s journey does not end in death, but continues forever. I cannot overstate the impact these thoughts made on my heart. I am thankful for thin places.